“‘Everything is made of light,’ he said, ‘and the space between isn’t empty.’”
—     Don Miguel Ruiz

We should run away together, except I can't because I have asthma. But seriously, neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.

The simultaneous measurement of two conjugate variables (such as the momentum and position or the energy and time for a moving particle) entails a limitation on the precision (standard deviation) of each measurement. Namely: the more precise the measurement of position, the more imprecise the measurement of momentum, and vice versa. In the most extreme case, absolute precision of one variable would entail absolute imprecision regarding the other.

—Physicist Werner Heisenberg, 1927

I love physics - I was never spectacular at it, I was much better at geometry and abstract math but I've always loved physics. There's an absolute elegance to their formulas, and I find it moving because so many things can be applied to our very mundane life. Yes, a lot of them are highly theoretical and abstract but their core, their essence, can be felt in everything. Matter and energy move itself, there is no external mover. How can that not be at the centrality of man? You may think there are forces at work, deciding your life, controlling it: feelings, thoughts, other people. But there is no other mover, you are not a creature experiencing feelings and being guided by them. You are the feeling, the thoughts. 

I miss school only because I had a chance to be social. Soon I'll have a job and then some structure to my day, but even with all the little activities I set up for myself, the reading, the essay writing, the novel, the art, I find myself trying to keep up some kind of motivation. With my roommates gone most of the time I realize I haven't spoken out loud in two days, which is a bit pathetic. Maybe other people would really relish in such an opportunity, but I still love being around others. Your own ideation process can only get you so far - you never know what someone else has hidden inside of them, all that they have to offer. Today I'm going to go to Chantal's house, make udon soup from scratch and play with her puppy, Jake. I've missed that dog so much, but less so now that I have my own adorable pet. Chekov is doing fine, she seems to like sleeping under my bed during the day. Last night I went to Brians' going away party, sad but true. I hope he finds something in New Zealand for him, I hope it's a happy journey. 

Yes, I have a rabbit now. Her name is Chekov, she's an albino Angora rabbit and the cutest thing out there. I'm still getting used to having a rabbit in the apartment, I had trouble sleeping last night because of the chewing she does to the paper. Right now she's in her cage, binkying around. This rabbit is adorable, I can't wait to have an Alice in Wonderland tea party with her. So many things to do, so much time to do it - does it get any better?

Sorry I haven't updated anything lately, the last few days of school are the most hectic. On thursday night I went to the animation formal, which was awesome. It's nice to finally see them, talk to them when they're all not so stressed out. I'm gonna miss them, I hope some of them stay around the GTA area for awhile. 

It's so strange to not have anything to do. I can't wait to have a job, a little bit of structure would go a long way. And of course so would some money. I think today will be a watching movies and reading kinda day, with both my roommates gone. Just yesterday Chantal and I strolled around Square One, where I got Chekov, and we went to an asian grocery store. Suuuuuuch great food there, I want to go back for more - but I have some stuff that I should use up first. Tomorrow I'm going to test drive some of the food Chantal and I were thinking about having at a little food 'n wine get together. Some cold, veggie spring rolls, asian salad, ect. Just nice and light with some cheeses and wine. 

"Who is listening to me cry here so far from home? Crickets who are glad for the accompaniment. A fish in the dam underwater, my tears sounding to it like they are muffled through a pillow.

A mountain as alone as me. The trees waiting for me to breathe slower. A moon that wants to use my hands to push you away."

Sometimes there's so much joy it kind of hurts. And there's almost nothing better than waking up and making good coffee and listen to Nina Simone, who means every single word of it. I still really want a rabbit, so that hasn't changed, but I have been able to dance these past few days. I wonder if anyone's noticed besides me, the lightness inside and outside after I dance. Then again I've always found the visual arts to be a little touch and go for creating a real message out there. A lot of us are concerned with a million little things except the most basic principles: Why do we do it? There's a answer that could be psychoanalytical, scientific and metaphysical, but that doesn't satisfy why we desire to create, what it's purpose is. I'd like to think that a good piece of art, regardless of what it looks like, does one thing - it leaves you nowhere to hide. That's probably why I feel more connected with dance as a means of articulating myself, because it is so direct. Gestures and poses all mean the same thing in any language, movement conveys the same tone. I'm never misunderstood or misquoted when I dance, and there is nowhere to hide from those feelings, those moments in time.

Feel free to argue, I'll still be here painting my nails, wanting to see Chantal's rabbit. I think I'm going to get one, they're incredibly cute and not nearly as skittish as the other pets I was considering, but not quite as much work as a cat or dog. An Angora rabbit would be perfect, then I would get free needle felting wool when it sheds. Heck, I could even sell it.

It's almost summer, and I still have to call some places for a job, maybe drop off a few more resumes. In more exciting news, Chantal got a rabbit and now I really want one. Before, with hamsters and guinea pigs, I found them not very cuddly and mostly nervous and scared, prone to biting despite being adorable. But the Angora rabbit she got is absolutely wonderful - so chill, super cuddly and very happy. Basically, I want to get one once I get a job. 

I've just started reading 'Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the Undoing of Character' by Jonathan Shay and it's fascinating. Shay works from an intriguing premise: that the study of the great Homeric epic of war, The Iliad, can illuminate our understanding of Vietnam, and vice versa. He examines the exploits of certain characters and their behaviours and compares that to veteran soldiers and their own demons that haunt them. Shay is a psychiatrist specializing in treating Vietnam veterans with chronic post-traumatic stress syndrome.Shay establishes convincing parallels to combat in Vietnam, where the war was considered meaningless and mourning for dead friends was thwarted by an indifferent command structure. Truly a great book, I know I'm going to enjoy reading it, and I've only started a few snippets of it. 

I'm thinking about going into a special effects program after my illustration degree, where they teach you monster makeup and animatronics and puppet building, but we'll see. Right now I need to just focus on the future, which means money! PS  - I know a lot of animators are rushing getting a business card and website and blog, and making it look nice. If you ever want free advice just contact me, I'm pretty decent at design and I don't mind helping out, but I won't start from scratch for you. Just throwing it out there, now I have to go to Chantals' to see the cutest rabbit ever. And a hissing cockroach. Her house is so cool.

“What the soul knows is often unknown to the man who has a soul. We are infinitely more than we think.” —     Kahlil Gibran

I spoke with my mom today, and while it didn't make me feel that much better, I'm looking forward to this summer. There's talk of taking another one year course after this Illustration degree (because as you can tell from browsing my blog, I draw a lot). I think in the summer I'll look into taking night or weekend classes at U of T, specifically I'd like to take at least one South American History class. When I chatted with my history teacher after the exam, he said he teaches a class next semester about the Mafia history which is just too cool to pass up, I remember reading a few books about the social and economic significance of the black market especially in eastern Europe and the Middle East. 

No plans this weekend, not yet at least. My roommate is having her friends over so I think I'll make myself scarce if other people don't mind me sitting quietly on the couch. I hope I get a job soon, I'm really tired of being lonely. I'm trying to make friends with guys without romantic involvement, but either they don't seem open to the idea or they automatically assume I want to date. People are just people, I wish that more people could relax around me, I don't know why it's so hard. If you're someone who finds it hard to chill with me...explain this problem, I am at a loss! Oh, and D? This picture is for you. Enjoy~

I went down to Lakeshore yesterday with Chantal - she got her Madison piercing and it looks fantastic, it actually makes me want to get my collarbones done, one on each side, but I don't think I have that kind of money - hers cost 130$. The guy who did it, Tom, was hilarious - he spent 45 minutes lecturing us, I'm sure he thought we were just dumb girls. Probably because I kept talking Chantal through the pain with unicorns and stuff. I accidentally ate a bug, we went to a wool 'n bead store to pick up some needle felting needles and wool. On the way there and back I applied to a few jobs - Artisano, Second Cup, Whole Foods and such. I'm looking for pretty much just a coffee job, because it's my relevant skill set and then they won't have to train me for something new. All in all, a successful trip. 

I got a new pair of sandals! They're great, they have gorgeous beading on the ankle straps, and they even have owl feathers - it's too perfect. I'm so glad summer's here - I hope all the people I haven't been able to see much of because of school work can finally come out and spend some time hanging out, I miss them. It's strange to know a lot of people in the school, but still find yourself really lonely, and not having anyone to call when you need to talk. 

Well I have an exam in 8 hours, so I think I should start studying. At some point. But right now Passion Pit is just such a good band to listen to, I can't help but dance, just like my roomies are doing now!  This is why our apartment is such a party place. 

And I can feel the madness inch by inch, the more I run, the more I am convinced well here I am, here I am, when will someone understand?

Well, I think the semester is over with for me! I only have one exam to study for, which is more like a test, and one final poster and a design output. I've started looking for jobs, barista jobs in particular, for the summer. And since a lot of my friends are graduating this year and heading out to different places, I guess I'll have to take up more hobbies - if at all possible. When I was talking to a person who got into Animation just this year, about how maybe she doesn't like the program, I told her the best revenge is massive success. That's how I feel about my teachers, who clearly don't like anything I do - massive success will be my payback. Is it bad the only reason why I'd want to be an Illustrator is to spite them a little? Whatever gets you through the day I suppose...

Watches Star Trek last night with some friends, drank some, had good times. It's nice to see them not so stressed out!  I can't wait to start applying to coffee houses and work with coffee again. Everytime I think I don't care, I have a bad cup and then my day is ruined...sorta. I still enjoy it, probably because I love socializing with people. 

Here's an interesting tidbit for whoever reads this; when a person cries and the first tear falls from the right eye, the crying is from happiness. If it falls from the left, it's from pain. 

Evidently, the information contained in matter that falls into a black hole is by some curious means encoded in the pattern of frozen quantum fields at the horizon. This raises some interesting possibilities that we could resurrect clocks, humans, spacecraft, and whole planets into something like their pristine form if we could magically reverse the in-fall and collapse process. Many believe that this mathematical result means that we have reached a watershed moment in history in understanding the connection between quantum mechanics and gravitation theory. Quantum mechanics deals with statements about the information that we can extract about a quantum mechanical process involving observation. Now this same information language can be applied to configurations of the gravitational field and space-time itself.

Like Kurt Vonnegut said, there are still some misfits who insist that there's no such thing as progress. Today, and the past view days, I have left what little homework I have to the last minute, to try and get a cheap thrill. It didn't really work, I forgot an essay only takes me 2 hours and I think now I'll be in bed on time. Can't say I didn't try though.

The weekend at my grandparents was great, got to do a lot of farm work and help around the house. They're selling their place and moving into a new house so I try to make my memories out there count, and makes sure I spend time outside. Took pictures but those are on my dad's camera so you can't see them yet! They're cute, the people just down the road have a few dogs and one of them walked with me the whole day. I got to talk to my grandpa about plants, a passion we both share. he's taken to growing delicate little plants in hard boiled eggshells, just cracks the top off and puts dirt inside. It's actually really beautiful looking, and fragile. Well this friday I'm planing to bake cupcakes with Chantal and Leo, but others are welcome too and on Saturday we're planning on having a little Lakeshore picnic-type-thing with as many animator friends of ours as want to come. It'll be exciting! And - best of all - nachos. That's right, I said it.

I just got back from my grandparents' farm - I always love going there and I'm really sad they're going to be moving soon, but I understand why. I spent the weekend walking around with the dog that wanders through the houses, got to hang out with some horses, cows 'n goats. Also got to hang out with the gardening tools, since there's so much to do outside, but I enjoy it. It's so relaxing to be out in the sun, and the evenings were just as good. I read 3 books in the 2 days I was there, reminding me that when I really do have the time I can read pretty fast. 

My parents also gave me my gifts from cuba - a wood carved owl, some bracelets with bells on them and a che guevara t-shirt. And a new phone because my other one finally bit the dust, old thing that it was! Well I'm all rejuvinated and I'm ready to see my friends, hang out, and get some homework done.

Like that history essay. I really need to start that. Really bad.