"So I’ve been sleeping with this silence in my mind
And all I see scares me" - Lydia

Had a decent train ride home despite the headache it gave me. Oakville was so nice and warm I just had to go for a long walk, how I missed exercise! I'm so excited to go back to school and see friends again.

Had another strange dream - I don't usually put emphasis on them or their meaning but this one was really odd. For one, I didn't die, and I always die in my dreams, s'just how it usually goes. In this dream I was walking along a dusty road in a green landscape; the sun was shinning, it was hot but not overbearingly so. I came upon an old church, it's big stone slabs wrestled into the earth. The door was ajar so I walked inside - there were no images of the Virgin, no crucifixes or alters. Instead there was just a massive, overflowing arrangement of flowers and plants, spilling from the ruined church forward into the room. Then I saw on the floor in front of the flowers, facing me, sat a yogi - in lotus posture and in deep meditation. When I looked more closely I realized it was my face. I started in such profound fright, and woke thinking"Aha, so she is the one who is meditating me. She has a dream and I am it." I had an unshakable feeling that when she awoke, I would no longer be.

"For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love."
-Carl Sagan

I guess it's time for me to go back. I miss my friends, but I've also missed this slow, small-town pace of life. Being tugged in two different directions but I still haven't got a clue how to resolve that. I guess it'll happen eventually, I'm not to worried, and I think when I get back to school I'll hit my stride again. Not looking forward to that 4 hour train ride though, sans music! Good thing I have wonderful books to keep me company, as per usual. Funny enough when I was applying to my high school's art program I also applied to their literature program, and got into both. I still love words, the play of language and nuance so maybe that 4 hour ride will be a pleasure and not a pain. Anyone read anything good lately?

I had a great experience today; I woke up from a fantastic dream at 6:36 in the morning. It gave me just enough time to go downstairs and outside to the river near my house and watch the sunrise, then sneak back into my house. I guess it goes without saying that it was a stunning sunrise, every inch of icy snow glazed with ambers and orange. It was a little moment where I could pretend it wasn't winter still.

Last day in Ottawa tomorrow, and I'm almost sad, despite how boring it was. It was nice to just finally find time to sleep, read, dance - do the things I really enjoy. Drawing is okay, but it feels like I've spent to long trying to churn out ideas and good work from nothing.

PS - Anyone else noticed that great literature is all about how being a human is such a bummer?

Am I the only one who thinks "carbonmade" is a strange name for a site that hosts art and portfolios? I don't mean the subject of what it's hosting directly, just the name. Carbonmade. It's just odd - all life is carbon. Making it just a human thing kinda negates the fact that all life on earth is carbon. Ah well, whatever, have some image of carbon in action!

I finally got my PLA written, and student evaluation filled out - something productive got done! Well, that and I think I've got a few more songs under my belt. True to form I think I got more done on my week off then at school, not that I had much to do to begin with. My brother and I hang out most of the time, and when I'm not doing that I'm generally playing the piano or outside wandering the forests or just dancing. Truthfully I think I enjoy dancing just as much as I used to - I tried to convince myself after the accident that I wouldn't miss it, but I did. I still do. Even if it hurts after awhile, I'd rather dance than not, and it's a painful truth. Maybe that's just how the truth works though; it's painful and powerful. Probably because you're not expecting it.

Last weekend before the grind, gonna have fun in the cold sunshine!

I think William Shakespeare was the wisest human being I ever heard of. To be perfectly frank, though, that's not saying much. Nothing happening still, just writing my PLA and listening to music, occasionally drawing. I'm almost finished going through my conservatory piano book (!) and they're all for concert-level pieces. I thought I would have lost the ability to play or sight read but I guess not, thank goodness. Otherwise this week would be super boring, but i still have the complete works of Shakespeare to keep me company and apparently a treasure tomb of history books, all of which I can use for my essay. Seriously, yes, that bored. Writing my essay on my week off - but at least I'm making good headway? Oh well, back to the piano I go - I'm done with all the mozart, I guess I'll move on to chopin? Who knows, we'll see!

“The wealthiest person is poorest at times when compared to the one with the beautiful mind.”

—	Three Melancholy Gypsies, Beautiful Mind

Until now, I'd forgotten my password for this blog. So this post has...everything in 3 years. Or at least everything that's either digital, or I saved. I don't know how much more I'll actually update this, but we'll see. Who knows, maybe come summer I'll use it more, who knows! So in no particular order I have examples of my graphic design in posters, CD posters, CD design and some information graphics. Oh, and a coffee cup sleeve, that I love. If you want to check out the full portfolio go to fiona.carbonmade.com